Final sermon to the congregation: “I Wish You Love”

By the Rev. Melanie Morel-Ensminger
First Unitarian Universalist Church of New Orleans
Sunday, May 19, 2013

While it is in the job description of a full-time parish minister that sermons have to be written nearly every week, some sermons are easier to write than others.  I remember during the Chattanooga ministry being asked to write a sermon about land mines, and in this ministry, there were sermons on the right of same-sex couples to marry.  These were easy – I was against the first, and FOR the second.  Sermons that touch on my most heartfelt passions are also relatively easy to write, and I’ve had no trouble penning sermons on New Orleans recovery and racism and classism and on the need for Unitarian Universalists not to forget or dishonor their histories.

Then there are the ones that take more research and analysis.  For me, sermons on scientific or technical topics are somewhat difficult, and therefore the sermons on military drones and social dilemmas were products of much rewriting.  And then there are the sermons that I care so deeply about, and are so emotionally fraught, that both writing them and delivering them are a painful challenge.  This sermon, my final one to this, my home congregation, is one of those.  While I have given farewell sermons to three other UU congregations, this one is by far the hardest to do.

This morning I take the prerogative of an out-going minister to pass along advice to you.  On my way out the door, so to speak, I have some wishes for the church’s healthy future.  (Of course, I won't be all the way out the door til May 30, and will be back to preside over Cathy Cohen's Memorial on June 15th. So maybe it's like I have one foot in and one foot out.)  Your prerogative, as always, is to take or leave the advice as you so choose.  So here goes, my wishes for First Church:

My first wish is:  Learn to make peace with difference, even emotionally charged difference.  Nelson Mandela once said, “You don’t make peace with your friends, you make peace with your enemies.”  If Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland can shake hands and promise to share power, and if Africaaners and the African National Congress can form a coalition government, then surely it ought to be possible for the much less earth-shaking differences in this UU church to be resolved amicably and without spiritual bloodshed.  It’s a fine line we walk in UU churches – neither being afraid of difference, nor attempting to paper them over.

In connection with that, I have a related wish:  Find a reason to exist beyond liking the people already here.  Liking folks, while a good thing in itself, is NOT a good enough reason to be church – in fact, it’s not even necessary, it's lagniappe.  If you join a church solely or mostly for the people there, you might have to quit if they leave, and the congregation is not likely to be truly welcoming to new folks.  (Why should you welcome new people?  You already like the people the church has now.)  The most important reason to commit yourself to a religious community is that you agree with and feel personally challenged by its larger goals and purposes, and you want to work to help make them come true.  Sure, it HELPS if you like the folks in the church, but it’s much more important that you like what they stand for, that you share their values, and want to participate in furthering the mission of the church.

Which leads me to a wish about the church’s mission:  Care more about mission than money or individuals or the building.  If a congregation is clear and committed on what it’s really all about, its real purpose, its raison d’etre, then everything else will fall into place.  When a church has mutually arrived at its shared reason for being, then fundraising becomes almost easy (you don’t even need a hurricane!), appropriate boundaries can be set for misbehavior, social justice actions become committed and clear, and the sense of community is strengthened by a focus on what is held in common.  Everything in a church is improved when a congregation agrees on why it exists, and what work they are called collectively to do.  I’ve always believed that the purpose of a UU church is to transform people so that they can transform the world, but you may come up with a different goal.  There is a great deal of momentum generated in a congregation in the act of discerning a higher purpose.  Organizational consultant Margaret J. Wheatley says, “There is no power greater than a community discovering what it cares about.”  I urge you to tap into that power, and not waste your primary energies caring for the building or worrying about money.

My fourth wish for you is to Take church leadership seriously.  Not everyone is cut out to be a church leader, and even those who are well-suited need two things in order to be effective:  a clear and concise description of the position with its duties and responsibilities, and second, some kind of training in how to be a UU church leader, because being a UU leader is different than leading a business and different from leading a nonprofit organization.  Once you have properly recruited and prepared your church leaders, support them by treating them with both respect and compassion.  Let leaders know your concerns, and leaders, listen well to what lies behind stated concerns.  Leaders and lay members need each other, as neither knows the whole story without the other.  And dissent that is unexpressed and goes underground is toxic to a UU congregation.

The best job description in the world and the best leadership training in the UUA will not produce perfect Boards members and committee chairs – just as vocational discernment and rigorous seminary education do not produce mistake-proof, perfect ministers.  We’re all human, so be prepared to forgive each other and learn from missteps in order to move forward in good health and good order.

Next, and this is very important:  I wish you would connect with Unitarian Universalism.  Yes, I know very well that this congregation has other UU churches who support First Church in its recovery, and we’re all grateful for them, but I’m talking about a different kind of relationship than needing and receiving financial and physical help.  I’m urging you as church members to read the UU World magazine; visit the UUA website regularly; sign up for the latest posts and updates and resources.  Church leaders at all levels should make an effort to read some of the UU newsletters that arrive here every week, with a special focus on the newsletters from the congregations in our region, and especially the three churches of the Greater New Orleans UU cluster.  Board members should communicate with the Boards of other UU churches, and the Worship, Religious Education, and Social Justice Committees should also be aware of trends and ideas and best practices in their areas of responsibility in the other churches – especially the healthiest, strongest, and biggest of our local UU churches, which is the Baton Rouse UU church.  I urge you to send high-level delegations (meaning Board members and committee chairs) to the annual district conference and to General Assembly every year; the Board should look over the program offerings of those gatherings ahead of time, and assign delegates to attend the workshops and presentations deemed most helpful to the church’s mission.  There is no reason in the world for this congregation to be so isolated!  Historically, lateral relationships between UU churches have been a source of strength, and First Church needs strength.

I wish you would be a force for positive change in this area.  Focusing on your own recovery is a good thing, but it shouldn’t be all you think about.  Having a close circle of friends is a good thing, but it ought not be the main goal of a church.  For so many reasons, this congregation has real corporate power, even if you don’t realize it.  You have the power and you have the history to help bring about major change in Greater New Orleans and in Louisiana.  Shame on y’all if you squander that power and that history.

And finally, and most of all, I wish you love.  Not the namby-pamby love of a Hallmark card, not the misguided kind of love that lets another person get away with bad behavior because you love them or because you don’t like confrontation, not the insulated kind of love that keeps you focused on each other and your personal preferences instead of facing outward.  I’m talking about a strong, muscular, burning love that pushes you ever forward and outward, forcing you to rise to challenges, urging you to be your best selves beyond your comfort zones, and representing Unitarian Universalism to the surrounding community like a bright light in darkness.  I wish you THAT kind of love.

While it is sad to many of you and to me that this ministry is ending, I’m still glad to be a UU minister and glad and grateful to have been YOUR minister.  I am grateful for how you've shared with me your deepest spiritual experiences, your doubts, your struggles, your joys.  You have allowed me into your homes and hospital rooms, let me bless your children and unite couples and grieve the losses of those we love who died.  In our weekly sharing on Sundays some of you have been kind enough to say you found inspiration and meaning in my poor words.  If I have said or done anything that was helpful, I am glad; if I have been less than helpful or hurtful in any way I humbly ask your forgiveness.

We have accomplished a great deal together, in this too-short period.  Some were for the recovery of the church; some were for greater interfaith connections; some were for the advancement of our movement as a whole.  Some were on the cutting edge of social justice issues, such as our work on wage theft, undocumented immigrants, affordable housing, saving Avondale Shipyard, the work to institutionalize and stabilize the Center for Ethical Living & Social Justice Renewal.  I’m proud of us, of you, for ALL of it.

With all its difficulties and challenges, and yes, sometimes pain, I still believe in church.  I still believe that a strong and united religious community based in liberal values is the best and most redemptive vehicle for change yet developed by human beings.  I not only believe in church as an institution and as a model of community, I specifically believe in THIS church.  I have loved this congregation from the first day I attended worship in the summer of 1983; my experience at First Church has often been a model to me in the years of my ministry away from you.  It was my honor and pleasure to come home to my city and home to my home church to serve as your minister after the Storm -- as I always said, it's been great to be with a congregation that didn't think I had an accent and where I didn't have to learn the history and culture.  While I am sad that our relationship must end, I am grateful to have served First Church and proud of all we accomplished in our time together.

From the beginning of my time with First Church back in the 1980s, I have been struck by your near-miraculous historical ability to rise above disaster and near-disaster, by your extremes of generosity, by your stubborn commitment in the face of challenges.  I have every faith in this congregation, and feel confident that at the end of the transition period you will be set to start a new settled ministry that will be healthy and productive.  As we come to the end of this ministry, I find myself filled with love for First Church.  I mean it now and I've always meant it -- I wish you love.