“WELCOME TABLE”

A Sermon by the Reverend Melanie Morel-Ensminger
First Unitarian Universalist Church of New Orleans
Sunday, August 15, 2010

Yesterday I presided over a vows-renewal ceremony for two young men who were married last Monday in Cambridge, Massachusetts. The couple wanted their local friends and family to celebrate with them, and I was honored to preside over their ceremony. But it was a shame to me and painful to the two grooms that so many members of both families refused to attend. Despite the filled ballroom at the French Quarter hotel, there was one empty table that was meant for the family members who did not choose to attend. It was heart-breaking. It is hard for some people to welcome difference, to have their expectations over-turned, to be open to change. Few of them mean to be cruel, but it turns out to be cruel just the same.

If you look at the illustration of the Welcome Table on the front of the Order of Service, you will see a different picture – a table with all kinds of different people seated around it, their body language radiating happiness. The Welcome Table is a symbol of what almost all of us say we want, but it turns out to be not as easily achievable as we might hope.

Openness to new people and new ideas is a hallmark of Unitarian Universalism, and yet many UU congregations have difficulty attracting and retaining new members. Not a single UU church I know of has a sign that says, “No new folks,” but many congregations have trouble making newcomers feel welcome.

It’s nothing so obvious as a sign or a “Unwelcome” mat. Most congregations that are unwelcoming have no idea that they are. It can be subtle things such as the excessive use of acronyms and initials that new folks don’t understand. Or it can be well-meant assumptions about new people, such as asking if someone is married, or where they work, or where they live. While these may seem like innocuous questions, they could be painful for those who are recently separated or divorced, or who are prevented by law from getting married, or who have just been laid off, or who’ve been unemployed for long weeks of fruitless searching, or whose current address might the nearby Salvation Army center, or who are camping out in an unfinished house since Katrina.

Other congregations, in an attempt to be inclusive, will make generalizing assertions that can alienate newcomers. When potential new members meet with me in my office, I usually tell them that nearly all statements that start off with “All UUs agree…” or “Most of us feel…” are wrong, but you do occasionally hear church folks go down that path. It’s easier than trying to explain just how complicated we are.

Some newcomers, with their fresh eyes and their new perspectives, can make observations that longer-term members find uncomfortable and unwelcome to hear. Hearing from a relative stranger that our unfinished building is a turn-off hurts, however true it may be. A new person asking why this congregation or any other UU congregation is not more diverse in terms of race and ethnicity reflects back to us critical things we may well have thought ourselves, and may make us feel defensive. Some newcomers may make suggestions, which can sometimes be met with a resigned reaction from a member. “That won’t work here” or “We tried that some time ago and it didn’t work.” It’s a pretty effective way to keep people from making suggestions.

I want us to listen closely to new folks who may give us feedback about ourselves, especially when it's hard to hear. What they say is important, and we need to hear it. No person and no institution can improve without first learning where they fall short. Some criticisms may help us become a better church. Some suggestions can help us grow stronger, even if it’s something we think we’ve attempted in the past.

Many of you may have heard of the Unitarian Universalist Association’s comprehensive social justice campaign called “Standing on the Side of Love.” To stand on the side of love means to support equal marriage rights for same-sex couples, and equal treatment of their families; it means supporting non-punitive immigration reform, and standing with undocumented workers and workers who are cheated of their earnings. The recent demonstrations in Arizona, where Unitarian Universalists were so prominent, were an example of Standing on the Side of Love, as were demonstrations in favor of civil marriage rights for same-sex couples. Our local protests in front of restaurants that have been cheating workers of their wages is another example.

But Standing on the Side of Love can also happen on the inside of a UU church. We stand on the side of love every time we welcome a new person, new couple, new family into our congregation. We stand on the side of love when we’d rather hear about a new person’s journey and what they hope for from this church community before we overwhelm them with information about us, and what committees need more volunteers. We stand on the side of love when we welcome new ideas and listen patiently to what seems like a criticism.

In my observation, too many UU churches end up as clubs – virtual closed groups, with a special, hard to understand language, and with lots of expectations not spelled out, just “understood” by the longer term members. Sadly, most of them don’t know it, and still insist that they’re friendly and welcoming. They might be friendly and welcoming to each other, but newer folks are just not feeling it.

One thing I’m proud of about First Church is that in our past we were known as The Stranger’s Church. Unfortunately, this was not because the church was especially hospitable to new people, but because our minister’s preaching was something of tourist attraction. On Sundays in the 1800s, there were more strangers than members. If the members then had gotten into the habit of welcoming and incorporating new people, who knows? Today we might be famous as one of the largest Unitarian Universalist churches in the country.

Look back at the cover of the Order of Service. For us – and by “us” I mean this church as well as Unitarian Universalism as a whole – to truly become a Welcome Table like that picture, we need to remember that all people are welcome here, that new ideas, new perspectives, and honest observations are welcome here; that a wide variety of political opinions are just as welcome here as a wide variety of theological viewpoints. I would like for us to be known as the Strangers Church once again, but this time, because of the warmth and openness of our genuine welcome.

My shorthand way of expressing this idea is to say that ALL people are welcome, but not all behaviors. We have a covenant of expectations of how we will treat each other – with respect, with gentleness, with courtesy even in disagreement. We promise to listen to each other. We will assume good intentions, we will do our best not to be defensive with each other. Every single person willing to live by these covenants, these expectations, are welcome here.

Who is welcome here? Everyone. How do we make sure all our outward and inward barriers are broken down? Let's work on that together.

May we take the steps necessary so that we are ever more welcoming, always widening our circle to draw in more and more people. So might this be! AMEN – ASHE – SHALOM –SALAAM – NAMASTE – BLESSED BE!